I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
