My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize