Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
