My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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