Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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