he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
