We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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