bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
