my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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