somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
