i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
