Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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