We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
we should paint friendship bongs
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