my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
