I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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