I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
