You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
