I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
