I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm going to jail i love you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Couch. On fire.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
