Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
