Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
