So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
