They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
