Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
