you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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