When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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