My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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