ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
