This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you had me at cake vodka
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
