Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
