I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
