the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
