get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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