he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
