can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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