It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
