Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
