the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
