Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
