Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
