Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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