I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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