Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
