My liver just broke up with me...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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