Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
love makes seman taste better
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
