Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
