he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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