I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
