remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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