I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
