She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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