Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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