The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
