i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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