I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
