Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
