I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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