i would punch a child for taco bell
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
