Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
