matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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