I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize