he thought i was a dude.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
