Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
