He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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