she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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